I beat myself up a lot about my jealousy issues. I often feel like my husband and I work so hard and we have to watch people cheat the system and the government gaining their dreams and happiness.
And it's funny because our life isn't bad. We have it better than most. We actually are happy.
So when I put the burdens on my mind and I have to ask myself; Is this really necessary?
Because not only do I get overwhelmed by the feelings of jealousy, I get consumed over the guilt of feeling this way. I don't like myself when I become this person.
This morning I found myself screen-shotting a re-share of a former friend and sending it to one of my besties. We talked about it, laughed about it... but you know? I actually didn't feel better I felt worse.
For one, the whole mentality of "I've got screen-shots for days" is not me. It's not. And it is SO EASY to get caught up in this. I despise people who do this and here I am falling back into this trap. And for what? Why am I stressing myself out over something so trivial.
So that got me in search of answers. Are my feelings normal? Are they valid? Here is what I found;
Jealousy is one of those toxic feelings that eats away at us and leaves a bitter taste in our mouths. It’s definitely not a comfortable feeling, to say the least. But we definitely can’t deny the fact that we all get jealous- it’s a very normal human feeling. And as much as we dislike feeling jealous, jealousy doesn’t actually have to be as bad as we make it. And we truly do not need to feel guilty for feeling jealous. Let’s break it down a bit.
Sometimes we see people doing really spectacular things, and rather than celebrating them, our immediate thought is that we are failing. And we wonder, maybe I should be doing that. Or wow, I wish I could be more like that. And then we feel bitter, and sometimes resentment towards the person we are feeling envious of. And then we feel bad for feeling bitter. It’s a never ending loop.
Next time you are feeling jealous, try not to beat yourself up for it, and also try not to avoid the feeling or repress it. You never need to feel guilty or insecure for envying someone else’s life, or seeing something that you feel you are missing. You truly never have to feel guilty for desiring something. Desires are how we grow and change. So rather than suppressing the feeling, pay attention to what you need in your life, and remember that there’s space for all of us to find happiness, and room for all of us to go after what we desire.
A great read on Jealousy:
I am so glad I came across Colleen's article. Sometimes you really need another's opinion to get some clarity of your own thoughts.
I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY.
Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. )