I think one of the biggest confusions about trying to live a positive lifestyle is that you have to be happy all the time. That just isn't true. You will have off days. I have them. If you go through my blog, I speak pretty openly with my grief and sadness. This blog has been a way for me to heal.
I once had a blog that averaged 5k visitors and readers a month. It received many comments, mostly positive. It truly was something I loved. However when my father became ill, and I started losing friends, I stopped writing. Then when my father passed, I deleted the blog entirely. I regret it because I had a lot of things over the past 8 years that I would have loved to look back and reflect on.
This blog doesn't get much traffic. My website does, I get roughly 1k views a week which is wonderful, for business... but the blog is rarely clicked. But you know, I keep on writing. I keep going.
This blog is like therapy to me. My ups and my downs are all here for the world to see. It really goes back to a realness through vulnerability. I have learned without being vulnerable, open and honest. Without showing people that hey... I am human too that I am offering nothing to anyone in this world.
I blog for ones who've seen confusion and known struggle, who have pulled themselves up from the shackles of heartache and strife, disappointment and darkness, exhaustion, and loss. They have risen with a heart as open and unwaveringly wide as the ocean itself... but humble enough to not have to tell people how big their heart is. Because when you're a good person, have clean karma, a big heart, and are empathetic... there is no need to remind anyone.
That is one of the life lessons I have taught my children as they seek guidance in life let it be through spiritual leaders, friends, family, even politicians. Seek out the humble. A good person with a good heart and empathetic soul will not have to remind you how good they are. You may never even hear those words come from their lips. But you will feel it. The energy they give off. The vibes you have with them. You will just know.
Through my own imperfections, I find myself questioning things that happen to me. And I catch myself.... I don't always utter the words outloud. But sometimes I do say in my head. "Why is this happening to me, I have such a big heart... I am a good person". But I can not think like that. If I am going to put trust in the universe and have faith in my plan.. then I shouldn't question what I deserve or don't. I should just keep going with the flow.
And you know? As I started this post and mentioned above. Today is a bad day for me. I am not feeling my normal self.....
I have questions. I am questioning my journey. My path. My path to healing, working through grief, and finding happiness in my best life.
There is vulnerability in letting our guard down and experiencing joy. I recently heard the quote “Happiness is a feeling, not a condition.” I like that because it gives space for us to let that feeling come and go without having to attach to it, and with more appreciation when we feel it.
Something I pay attention to daily is ‘what feels like to flow and ease versus what feels like force and fighting?’ Even the hardest things I have accomplished, when done efficiently, timely and with proper alignment came with relative ease. Alignment can be felt and seen not only in your physical body, but also emotionally and spiritually. Alignment feels like integrity, honesty, a connection and expression from core values. Alignment with the people around you comes from clear conscious communication, doing what you say you’ll do when you say you’ll do it, setting and maintaining boundaries, and taking your hats and masks off so there is congruency in your self and in your life. You don’t have an endless amount of energy and ability to focus, and alignment allows us to conserve and create high quality energy throughout our day.
Days like this.... I can be honest with myself and others. I feel a bit worn out. I am missing my father. I feel overwhelmed...
I am human......
My alignment is off, but I am going to jump off the internet for a bit and do a little reflection within myself.
But I am going to keep going, and you should too. Don't let these days stop your progress. Maybe you had a fight with a friend, your mom, your husband... maybe you're left with self doubt and are questioning your own journey. Please don't. Keep pushing through. Trust in karma. Trust in the universe. Things will smooth out for you again.
I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY.
Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. )