My first thought of turning 36 this month is my new description. You know, if I ever went missing or committed a crime. Female, white... mid to late thirties.
Mid to late 30s.
Honestly, most days I still feel like I am 21. These numbers really don't hold the weight I thought they would. I still laugh, sing, have adventures and enjoy life.
In honor of the big 36, here are 36 things I have learned over my 36 years of life.. my little life tips...
1. There will never ever be an electronic device capable of giving the pure joy of reading a real paper book.
2. I never thought I would like being a mother, but it's actually pretty awesome.
3. Naps are amazing.
4. Happiness is a choice. And sometimes you really have to fight for it. Like really fight. But it's worth it. Life is too short to be content in sadness.
5. Your definition of love will change throughout the years. I used to think things always had to feel new and exciting... that they would be easy. But it's about learning to give and understanding it will always need an honest effort, open heart, and time. Be with someone you truly enjoy just being around.
6. Blood isn't the only requirement for families and stable bonds. It's not a requirement at all. Some of the most important people in our lives won't be blood family. And some of our blood family will let us down the most.
7. Don't waste your time stressing out over what other people think of you. They have the right to these opinions and it's not your job to change their minds. You know your worth and value as a person.
8. You're never too old to keep dreaming, using your imagination, and telling stories. Magic and pretend isn't just for our child years.
9. Cooking at home is actually pretty awesome. Eating out is great, but creating a meal, especially for someone else is so rewarding. And it's fun to learn new recipes and techniques.
10. You need hobbies and things for yourself. Let them be as simple as playing video games or as complex as building delicate models. If it gives you happiness, go for it. Everyone needs a break from the real world.
11. Be grateful, practice gratitude. Sprinkle more kindness in the world than their is sand on a beach.
12. Having a personal relationship with nature and the universe is life changing. There is a certain comfort in knowing everything is connected and that we were all once stars. Simple reflection sitting on a beach, or watching the moon. It's wonderful.
13. Accumulating memories and experiences are far more important than possessions. When it's our last days on this Earth, we won't be thinking about our $1000 cellphones. We will be thinking about our friends, family, and that last sunset.
14. Spend time in silence. Learn about Meditation. Time alone in your own mind is priceless.
15. Our company affects us. It shifts and molds who we are. And I am not just speaking as an empath, I believe this applies to everyone. Surround yourself with good people who put out good vibes. The others will eat at you and eventually become a burden on your mental health.
16. Let the people you love and care about know that you do... and as often as you can. You really don't know what will happen. Life is so short.
17. When people tell you that you've changed, you're weird, or you're not who you used to be. Take it as a compliment. Even if it wasn't intended that way. We as humans should always be changing. Growing, learning new things, new perspectives, and opinions. Change and growth is a good thing. Be wary of those who aren't able to change, adapt, and grow.
18. Let others have their views and opinions. Remember that as long as their opinion isn't causing harm to another's quality of life, it's really no concern to you. In a time of Trump, this is especially hard for me. But learning to pick and choose your battles is important. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean either of you are wrong. Contrast brings clarity and compassion.
19. Ask questions and never stop learning. Dare to learn new perspectives.
20. Spend less time on social media. The happiest people I have met over the years don't even have a facebook page. I think social media is an important tool for keeping in touch with old friends. But it also causing a lot of inauthenticity in our lives and can sometimes cause more harm than good. Kill the mindless scrolling.
21. Less really can be more in terms of value in our friendships. Quality over quantity is very important.
22. Most people are good, decent people. In our hardest times on this Earth, it can be hard to see it. Especially for someone who struggles with leaking back to her cynical feelings towards humanity as I do. Sigh... but really, I know this to be true.
23. You will get through that worst day of life. It's different for everyone, and you will know it when it hits you. But also know, it's going to get better.
24. The friends that still want to talk to you when you disappear for weeks, months, and even years at a time. When you forget to call or text. Love them, adore them. Those are your forever people. They are your tribe.
25. Credit and debit can destroy your life. I am not even kidding. Take care of your credit score.
26. Drink water. Lol yeah, I'm serious. And coconut oil is for the skin. Don't eat it.
27. Grow your own plants and even food if possible. Fresh fruits and vegetables are delicious and magically taste better when you're the one who grew them.
28. The hardest part of making big changes in your life is making the decision to do it. Once that happens, the rest seems to fall into place.
29. I am enough. I am. And so are you. The more you love yourself, the easier it is to find the imbalances in your life.
30. I've never regretted taking time to work out or do yoga. The fact that I run from it is pretty silly honestly.
31. Deep conversations about everything and nothing set my soul on fire.
32. Just the simple act of making your bed can make your entire day better. I am not even kidding. Try it.
33. When you stop constantly focusing on the bad things, or the problems. The solutions come.
34. Trust your gut feelings. Your intuition. The vibes you get from people and things. Most times you're probably right.
35. When it comes to coffee, tea, icecream, and sushi... spend the little extra money when you can indulge. The quality matters.
36. Sex is better in your 30s. Trust me.
*Bonus life lesson* We can call this, like the extra candle, one to grow on...
37. There is an saying... "Do what you love, and love what you do." The cynicism inside me always lead me to laugh at this as most people will not make a living doing what they love. And I know what you're thinking, don't you love photography, and yes - I do, it's my world. But what I love about it is the 100% freedom and control with my art. I don't get that much when doing work for clients. And that is ok, I am here to do what I am paid to do when it comes to business. I am happy with my job, but what I am trying to convey here is much deeper. I learned that just because something you love to do isn't bringing you financial gain doesn't mean it doesn't have real value in your life. You can do what you love, and make money in something else. You just need to find balance. You're allowed to have both. The most rewarding things in my life, what I truly love doing is helping people in my online communities for Lung Cancer, and my volunteer work in hospices. I don't make any money doing these things, but the value is truly priceless. And even with my art and photography... my favorite pictures will always be the ones that I took for free.
I hope this list brought some perspective into my adult life, and maybe some hope for yours as well. You don't have to agree with everything I have said here, or anything for that matter. We all have to find our own little place in this world.
Until next time, love and light friends.
A little New Years offering for my alter. As I sit here and reflect, I used to view New Year's resolutions as a bad thing. I'd set them, I would fail. I would feel inadequate and unworthy. I stopped making them. I didn't set any goals for myself. I stood still. I laid stagnant in life for nearly 2 years. Towards the end of 2017 I said I was tired, and I had enough. I went on for most of my life believing that if you can't be happy where you are, you will never find happiness elsewhere. I am here to tell you that this idea, this motto... it's not true. It's ok to walk away. You can leave behind the unhappy relationships with friends, family, and the communities that are holding you back. It's ok to love yourself, and do what is best for YOU. I told my friends in November of that year I was leaving, and they kind of laughed it off. In fairness, I had said that I was leaving many times before. I am not sure I would have taken myself seriously either. I lived in a city and state I despised. A place I moved for my ex-husband and never wanted to go. 11 years of disgust. I was surround by pernicious people. People who were so unhappy in their own lives that you felt the bad vibes as soon as you went outside. It brought me nothing but pain. I had many toxic friendships that drew the life out of me. I slowly became a person I hated. Someone I didn't recognize when I looked in the mirror. I tried so hard to be happy... to grow and thrive where I was. I cut off the bad people. All of them. I kept to myself. But just like trees and plants.... if your roots are in bad soil, and your limbs and branches can not reach the light... you can not grow. I saved money, set small term goals and the end of March, 2018 I said goodbye forever to Carlisle, Pennsylvania. Life here in Chicago isn't perfect. I am still grieving. I am fighting PTSD, anxiety, and depression. However, I swear every single day I somehow still feel blessed. I feel as if my worst days here are so much better than some of the best in Pennsylvania. This year my goals are spiritual. Continue to thrive, find my relationship with nature and the universe. To make my own magic... only putting out kindness. I will post the full list below. If anyone reading this is scared to make a change, or doesn't think it will be worth it... I am here to tell you ignore those voices and set the goals. If I can do it, anyone can. You are worth the love and happiness in this world. Don't settle for anything less.
A little look into my livingroom. As I stated in a previous post, my husband and I upcycled almost our entire apartment. We left almost everything when we moved to the Chicago suburbs from Pennsylvania.
Couch: FREE curb side.
Coffee Table: $5
Book Shelf: $3
TV Stand: $5
Small Glass Door Table: $10
(GoodWill, Local Thrift Store, Yard Sales)
Books, crystals, PS4, extra throw pillows and TV were brought with us from Pennsylvania.
This is week #2 in this house. I have a $300 budget left for decorating and random little things for the house left. I am still deciding.
I plan on posting an update in the next few months to show all the changes we come up with. Ultimately we still want it to look clean and not too cluttered. Open space is important to me in the livingroom as I do my meditation and yoga in there.
Moving A Family Of 7 Out Of State On A 3.5k Budget; And My Introduction To A Semi-Minimalist Lifestyle
We recently moved to Illinois from Pennsylvania. My husband and I needed a drastic change for our family. We were surrounded by toxic people in a city that never really felt like home to any of us. So we took a leap of faith in October of 2017 and started to save for our move.
The biggest question we get is the how. How much we spent, how long we saved, and we went about it. We aren't rich. We lived for the most part pay check to pay check. We sacrificed A LOT to be able to do this.
Budgeting any move out of state is INSANELY expensive. A truck alone could run you over 5k (rental + gas) easily. And let's face it... depending on how big your family is and how much stuff you have.. one truck load probably won't cut it either. And us? We're a family of seven. Yikes.
I got to looking online and seeing how other people did this. How does one move on a tight budget? My searching brought me to an article on minimalism and living a minimalist lifestyle.
"What Minimalism is really all about is reassessment of your priorities so that you can strip away the excess stuff — the possessions and ideas and relationships and activities — that don’t bring value to your life."
I was aware of the concept, but not in this way. Things like tiny homes (and if you have ever seen my pinterest, yes I am obsessed) were ideas that appealed to me later on in life. But I did not think it would be possible to really declutter and downsize with children.
And the other HUGE part. I had no idea the concept applies to relationships and activities. I was so intrigued. I really started to dig deep. I joined a few Facebook support groups on minimalism and recreated my goals.
Now for most people doing a big move, there is a car or cars involved. Well my husband and I don't drive. This meant the first part of our budget had to be for our own transportation.
My husband put in for his job transfer in February and actually applied for a couple different states. We had two accepted. One in Washington state and the other Illinois. We went with Illinois as that is where my in laws lived. We set his start date for the first week in April.
Traveling this time of year was still relatively cheap. We got sleeper cars with beds for seven people on Amtrak for 1.2k total one way.
Now, this would also be important in the planning of getting some of our belongings to Illinois as well. We were allowed to take two large suitcases each. So for seven people that is 14 bags! We utilized this for all the clothing we were taking.
Now, if I am being honest. As a family we owned waaaayyyy more clothing than could fit in two bags each. But this is where our minimalist journey begins. With the clothing.
We spent a good week going through all our clothes. If we didn't NEED it, love it... it was donated or tossed. I am talking items that were never worn or didn't fit. Things being saved for "some day"...yeah no. We were living in the now, so they had no room in our future.
Next we had to decide what wasn't replaceable. Now I have always been an upcycler. I have furnished every home I have ever lived in with FREE or used furniture. So I let go of my initial instincts. The "but I love my couches, but I love my dinning room set". Those can be replaced. They were not coming with us.
What would be most expensive to replace were TVs and Mattresses. We could have gotten upcycled of these items as well, but we had just purchased new six months before and didn't want to waste that money.
Shipping these items would cost an arm and a leg, and again... we don't drive. That killed the idea of a truck. So we then we decided a POD would be the right choice for us.
PODS are amazing honestly. The company drops it off. You have three days to load it. They pick it up and deliver it right to your new address. So simple!
We went with the smallest POD and packed it up tightly based on our needs. We did not want to force a minimalist lifestyle on our children in a traumatic way. So a good portion of our boxes for the pod were the kids toys and personal belongings.
I packed my books, some camera gear, one full box of picture frames and photographs, my crystal collection and incense. And a few personal items. Pots and Pans my father had given me, and plates. Blankete, sheets and pillows. That was it. We pretty much left everything else behind.
$1.2k Train Tickets
$1.5k Boxes, Packing Supplies, POD
$500 To Replace Furniture
$300 To Replace Decorative Pieces
Total moving expenses of $3.5k
Roughly $8k - $10k cheaper than those who would have moved their whole house or bought brand new furniture at their new location.
Full disclosure, the first place we rented was out of our budget and we knew this. But we wanted a place to get our foot in the door so we signed a six month lease. If you wanted to budget in our rental cost it would be an additional $3k for rent and deposit putting us at a $6.5k move total cost. We kept our furniture budget in savings and waited until we found a cheaper place closer to Chicago and transportation. We applied for an apartment in a gorgeous complex after our first lease was up and we got approved.
Renting a temporary house helped us learn our new state. Research neighborhoods and school districts. Decide what we wanted in our home and where. We were able to get our deposit back in full and applied it to our new place.
Our apartment complex is in a great neighborhood, close to transportation. Easy train ride to Chicago. Pool, gym, clubhouse, 24/7 maintenance. Our unit is three bedroom, 2 full bath. It's everything we wanted.
It took six months of saving and planning to leave Pennsylvania and another six months to get settled into a new state and find the perfect apartment but we did it.
I will make a follow up post with some pictures of our new apartment and the items I purchased to decorate as well as the upcycled furniture.
We had A LOT of odds against us. We don't make a ton of money. We had to sacrifice a lot to save up. No going out to eat, no takeout. Cheaper phones and plans, no cable etc. We don't drive. Traveling was difficult. But I am here to tell you, if we can do it... so can you!
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY.
Our worst days in Illinois have been better than some of our best in Pennsylvania. So that says a lot.
If you're stuck in a place you are unhappy... start small. Make tiny lifestyle changes and learn to let go.
Until next time.... love and light friends!