Moving A Family Of 7 Out Of State On A 3.5k Budget; And My Introduction To A Semi-Minimalist Lifestyle
We recently moved to Illinois from Pennsylvania. My husband and I needed a drastic change for our family. We were surrounded by toxic people in a city that never really felt like home to any of us. So we took a leap of faith in October of 2017 and started to save for our move.
The biggest question we get is the how. How much we spent, how long we saved, and we went about it. We aren't rich. We lived for the most part pay check to pay check. We sacrificed A LOT to be able to do this.
Budgeting any move out of state is INSANELY expensive. A truck alone could run you over 5k (rental + gas) easily. And let's face it... depending on how big your family is and how much stuff you have.. one truck load probably won't cut it either. And us? We're a family of seven. Yikes.
I got to looking online and seeing how other people did this. How does one move on a tight budget? My searching brought me to an article on minimalism and living a minimalist lifestyle.
"What Minimalism is really all about is reassessment of your priorities so that you can strip away the excess stuff — the possessions and ideas and relationships and activities — that don’t bring value to your life."
I was aware of the concept, but not in this way. Things like tiny homes (and if you have ever seen my pinterest, yes I am obsessed) were ideas that appealed to me later on in life. But I did not think it would be possible to really declutter and downsize with children.
And the other HUGE part. I had no idea the concept applies to relationships and activities. I was so intrigued. I really started to dig deep. I joined a few Facebook support groups on minimalism and recreated my goals.
Now for most people doing a big move, there is a car or cars involved. Well my husband and I don't drive. This meant the first part of our budget had to be for our own transportation.
My husband put in for his job transfer in February and actually applied for a couple different states. We had two accepted. One in Washington state and the other Illinois. We went with Illinois as that is where my in laws lived. We set his start date for the first week in April.
Traveling this time of year was still relatively cheap. We got sleeper cars with beds for seven people on Amtrak for 1.2k total one way.
Now, this would also be important in the planning of getting some of our belongings to Illinois as well. We were allowed to take two large suitcases each. So for seven people that is 14 bags! We utilized this for all the clothing we were taking.
Now, if I am being honest. As a family we owned waaaayyyy more clothing than could fit in two bags each. But this is where our minimalist journey begins. With the clothing.
We spent a good week going through all our clothes. If we didn't NEED it, love it... it was donated or tossed. I am talking items that were never worn or didn't fit. Things being saved for "some day"...yeah no. We were living in the now, so they had no room in our future.
Next we had to decide what wasn't replaceable. Now I have always been an upcycler. I have furnished every home I have ever lived in with FREE or used furniture. So I let go of my initial instincts. The "but I love my couches, but I love my dinning room set". Those can be replaced. They were not coming with us.
What would be most expensive to replace were TVs and Mattresses. We could have gotten upcycled of these items as well, but we had just purchased new six months before and didn't want to waste that money.
Shipping these items would cost an arm and a leg, and again... we don't drive. That killed the idea of a truck. So we then we decided a POD would be the right choice for us.
PODS are amazing honestly. The company drops it off. You have three days to load it. They pick it up and deliver it right to your new address. So simple!
We went with the smallest POD and packed it up tightly based on our needs. We did not want to force a minimalist lifestyle on our children in a traumatic way. So a good portion of our boxes for the pod were the kids toys and personal belongings.
I packed my books, some camera gear, one full box of picture frames and photographs, my crystal collection and incense. And a few personal items. Pots and Pans my father had given me, and plates. Blankete, sheets and pillows. That was it. We pretty much left everything else behind.
$1.2k Train Tickets
$1.5k Boxes, Packing Supplies, POD
$500 To Replace Furniture
$300 To Replace Decorative Pieces
Total moving expenses of $3.5k
Roughly $8k - $10k cheaper than those who would have moved their whole house or bought brand new furniture at their new location.
Full disclosure, the first place we rented was out of our budget and we knew this. But we wanted a place to get our foot in the door so we signed a six month lease. If you wanted to budget in our rental cost it would be an additional $3k for rent and deposit putting us at a $6.5k move total cost. We kept our furniture budget in savings and waited until we found a cheaper place closer to Chicago and transportation. We applied for an apartment in a gorgeous complex after our first lease was up and we got approved.
Renting a temporary house helped us learn our new state. Research neighborhoods and school districts. Decide what we wanted in our home and where. We were able to get our deposit back in full and applied it to our new place.
Our apartment complex is in a great neighborhood, close to transportation. Easy train ride to Chicago. Pool, gym, clubhouse, 24/7 maintenance. Our unit is three bedroom, 2 full bath. It's everything we wanted.
It took six months of saving and planning to leave Pennsylvania and another six months to get settled into a new state and find the perfect apartment but we did it.
I will make a follow up post with some pictures of our new apartment and the items I purchased to decorate as well as the upcycled furniture.
We had A LOT of odds against us. We don't make a ton of money. We had to sacrifice a lot to save up. No going out to eat, no takeout. Cheaper phones and plans, no cable etc. We don't drive. Traveling was difficult. But I am here to tell you, if we can do it... so can you!
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY.
Our worst days in Illinois have been better than some of our best in Pennsylvania. So that says a lot.
If you're stuck in a place you are unhappy... start small. Make tiny lifestyle changes and learn to let go.
Until next time.... love and light friends!
I wanted to share the story of my journey from atheist to believer. My mind changed based because of several experiences I had with my father the last week of his life...
My father found out her had terminal Lung Cancer (extensive stage small cell with mets in both lungs, neck lymph nodes, and later found out several in his brain) in late April. In mid May we tried Chemotherapy. Our intentions were not to cure, but to shrink the cancer a bit to allow easier breathing and possibly give him some more time with us. We also could have went with hospice then and there. (The choice to not do hospice then still bothers me. But I had to let him do what he felt was best for him.)
At first things seemed well. He handled the chemo like a boss. Didn't feel too tired.. things seemed great. He was happy and confident he made the right choice. Around day 5, something drastically changed. He got huge blisters all over his legs and feet. It was a rare reaction to the chemo...
As the days passed his blisters were just getting worse and worse which made walking very difficult for him. He got transferred to a rehab center to help him learn to use his walker. Before the Chemo he was able to walk around... but after that first week, he would never be able to walk on his own again.
He was in the rehab center only about a week before we got the terrible news that he had contracted pneumonia. At this point my father had been in the hospital and rehab a combined total of 27 days. He was tired. He refused antibiotics and had me call the hospice.
We called hospice on a Tuesday am. They had everything set up in my home by Wednesday and he came home that evening.
It was really weird because at first, he was almost himself. Granted he needed help walking around, using the bathroom etc..but he had this HUGE burst of life and energy. And all he wanted to do was talk to me. About life, his childhood... my childhood. The circumstances were not the greatest... but I never felt so close to him.
I asked my father several times over this whole thing if he thought we would see each other again and each time he would say no. He told me that if it made me feel better to pray, I should do it... but it meant nothing. Sigh... I still asked. It was like in my mind, even as a non believer, if he could believe, then I knew I could... but it didn't happen.
That Saturday my dad's best friend came in from NYC. They got to spend time together and say some goodbyes. It was almost like my father was waiting for him because that is where things got bad. After my dad's friend left, my dad was in a lot of pain. He just could not get comfortable... and he hardly slept.
The following morning, Sunday he started to not know where he was. He was able to recognize the kids and I, but he thought we were on a boat and heading to an island. He kept telling us we had to be careful because the crew couldn't be trusted. Both my dad and I were on less than 1 hour sleep. It was pretty brutal.
Throughout all this he was still letting me help him walk, eat his meals, and use the bathroom. The hospice suggested a sleeping pill. He took it no problem. My bedroom was next to his... and when he finally went to sleep, so did I...
I remember it was around 12am when I felt really warm. I can not explain it... almost like someone put blankets from the dryer on me. So I sat up, and standing in the hall without his walker or help was my dad. I sprang up, yelled for my husband and literally caught my father before he could fall. My husband helped my dad to the chair and I laid on the floor bawling my eyes out. I felt so guilty for failing because I didn't hear him get up.
At this point my father no longer remembered that he had lung cancer. He didn't understand why he was so weak he could not walk. I asked the hospice nurse and the doctor on call if they thought he would come back to us and that he would remember where he was. They told me with the size of the mets on his brain and the infection, I am lucky he still knows who I am.
The hospice brought me a baby monitor. And my husband, oldest son, and I all took turns sleeping in shifts. At around 7 pm my dad was very upset. (This was Monday night). He told me he would be to the island soon, but he had to figure out the numbers first so we could be safe. I had no idea what any of this meant, but he asked for pen and paper. I gave it to him and he did what looked like some math and wrote out some numbers.
We gave him another sleeping pill, and my son fell asleep in the chair next to him. My husband and I were awake in the room next to him. We had the baby moniter, and were going to try and do sleeping in shifts.. but he (my husband) had what we believed to be a minor case of food poisoning. So I was between helping my dad and helping him as well.
I don't remember the exact time, I want to say it was roughly 2am but I head a strange sound on the moniter. Like someone going through a drawer. I called out to my son, he didnt answer. So I walked to the bedroom and as soon as I got to the doorway, I see my dad take a lighter to his oxygen tube. HUGE rush of flames as I instinctually pulled the plug to his oxygen machine. My husband ran to our son as I went to aide my dad.
Somehow he remembered a stash of cigs and where he hid his lighter. It was his bedroom and I honestly never thought to hide things. He had quit smoking 2 months ago and had been doing great at it. To this day I still blame myself.
He had some burns and the hospice told us that we should call an ambulance despite my father's wishes. When we were in the hospital, he started to forget who I was... or anything that was going on. The ER doctor told me that I could keep him there. That dealing with a dying person with dementia is hard for professional care takers emotionally and that he could not imagine what it was doing to me and my family.. I thanked him, but said I would please like to take my dad home... and a few hours later, I did.
All afternoon I sat with him. He randomly yelled... cursed. Talked more about getting to the island...telling us we were lying, he was never sick. He did not even remember the fire.
He finally fell asleep and I just broke down. I prayed..... for the first time in roughly 15 years
I just kept asking god.. I said whoever is listening... I know his body is destroyed. I know it. And I know that he can not be healed. I know it's his time... I know you have to take him.. But PLEASE...not like this. Please god... whoever is up there. Let his soul say goodbye to us. Please. Let us have him back. Please give us our goodbyes. Please god. I never ask you anything. Please give me this. Even if just a day...
This was Tuesday night.... I fell asleep in bed next to him. First time sleeping since Saturday really... I heard a voice..
"Maggie is Robbie ok.."
(Robbie is my son)
I thought it was my husband, and I started to reply and then the voice said..
"I don't know why I tried to smoke that last cigarate, I am sorry. Please tell me I didn't hurt Robbie..."
It was my dad!!!!
I jumped up and said Robbie is fine! We are all fine. Do you know where you are? He looked at me confused and said I am at home?
He remembered everything! The cancer, the fire, being on hospice etc. He did not remember telling me he was on a boat, or that he was going to an island. And when I showed him the paper with the numbers, he had no idea what they meant.
The next day we even had a laugh over the whole thing. It was incredible. Like his mind never left us. We had an amazing day.. but that evening I started to notice he was getting weaker. He didn't want to eat, and told the nurse he did not want to wear his oxygen mask.
I told my husband... I knew... I knew it was going to be soon. Early Thursday am the hospice nurse told me she didn't think he had more than a few hours left. I put some music on for him. And he told us he loved us all. He told my husband to watch over his daughters, and protect his grandkids. He told Robbie he had many regrets, and there was still so much he wanted to tell me. We told him we loved him dearly and I know he loved me. And that we would all be ok.
Just before 11am he took his last breath in my arms. And I will never forget when they took his body from my home, soon as he was in the car it poured. Pouring rain and thunder.
Next 3 days were a blur.. I didn't leave my bedroom. The hospice came to get everything quickly. I asked not to watch. When I finally did go back down stairs, the first thing I saw was the paper with the numbers on it....and that is where it hit me...
I felt the warm again. Just like the night I woke up and stopped my dad from falling...
Then I thought about how tired I was the night of the fire. But my husband was ill... so we were both awake...
Then I remembered the prayer. My prayers were answered. NO ONE can tell me otherwise. I was told he wouldn't remember me again, but he remembered everything. All of us. He got to say goodbye... and so did we.
I still have no idea if the numbers actually meant anything, but I took pictures to remember. I also often wonder if the island was were his soul was going and the "crew" who was hostile to him were his fears of death.... I hope some day to understand.
But because of this, I try to look for signs everywhere. I have faith that there is a life after this one and that spirits are all around us. Finally working up the courage to write this whole story up is my Father's day gift to my dad. It has taken me two years to do this, but I feel much better after telling it.
I have SO much to update about, but first I wanted to talk aboit some things weighing heavy on my mind. Karma. When you spread positive energy positivity it will come back to you. Nothing that goes against you or wants to cause you harm will ever prosper.
I recently had a discussion about business practices and Karma at Yoga with a friend of mine, Addison. She is not only this queen of zen and has yoga skills that blow my mind, she is a business and life coach.
We got into a discussion about the old phrase and mentality of "fake it to you make it". When does it hurt your karma? How to go about it in a positive way.
If you're lying to your clients about your lifestyle, how much money you're making, or your team - it's not faking it till you make it. It's simply bad karma.
What should you being doing? Exude confidence when you're scared. Work through your fears. Share your goals. Talk about the ones you have already met and plan to meet.
I almost got into a MLM with a girlfriend of mine. You may of selling essentials oils. She made it sound like such an amazing oppurtinty. The company was called Doterra, and in fairness, I do believe in their products. Their oils are high quality and I actually use them everyday. So I could in confidence speak very highly on Doterra oils. However, where my karma comes into question is the MLM business plan itself.
For one the company sells people the dream of their own business. You will often hear, let it be Doterra, ItWorks, Beachbody, Plexus, or Younique. You are sold and are selling the idea to people that you are going to be a business owner. And that just isn't true. The company is using you to push their products essentially for free. These presenters disguised as business owners are trained to lie to people.
They all make similar posts which a lot of time are copy n pasted sent around over and over. They make videos about their lives changing and what an amazing opportunity they have invested in. All while their life circumstances have not really changed. They may have an extra few hundred dollars that month, but you have to ask yourself how much of your karma did you sacrifice to do so?
This business model also encourages you to push these products on your friends and family in order to make a decent profit. They have you create facebook groups, host online parties and overall just be an annoying pest.
Where I am living now, mostly everyone is in an upper to middleclass financial situation. I know a lot of the Chicago land suburb mommies can easily afford Doterra so I could in better conscious speak to them than my "friends". If we are talking my close friends from back in Carlisle, or some of the people I grew up with... well a lot of them are living in housing. They are living pay check to pay check. How could I tell them how awesome this MLM life is when I know that $20, $40, $100 oils order could have went to their rent or their children. Instead it went to a company who won't even pay their employees a living wage. Because that is what you are. An employee, not a business owner.
Oh and the fighting - let it be in these groups or on the side line. Never let a situation take you out of your character or do something vengeful... people have to remember these situations are temporary while actions have permanent consequences. These companies are supposed to be a sisterhood, but they are nothing like that.
So the way the conversation ultimately sparked was me talking about my business and how I, although I never pushed the idea of a better life on people or pushed MLM product purchashing, I am guilty of adapting to the "fake it till you make idea". I told Addison that not working is becoming tiresome. I really need some new strategies, but I wanted to steer clear of 'fake it till you make it' because it honestly got me no where in the past and just left me feeling empty. I no longer understand the point of pretending my workload is more than it is, or that I am making more money than I actually am.
Addison said a lot of things that just made sense to me. And opened my eyes. For one, getting back to the core roots of why I started my own business in the first place. How far I came when I segregated myself from unhealthy relationships, bonds, and friendships. Not just in business, but in life too. It's ok not to be near your goals, but standing still is not a possibility.
I really don't need to pretend things are amazing for me business wise right now as I have only just started to dig into my Chicago potential. Looking at it that way, I have really relieved a lot pressure I had put on myself.
I really busted my ass to get out of Carlisle. And whilst I do not want to get to a stand still, it's ok that things are starting slow here. I mean, in Pennsylvania I built a name and a brand. It did not happen overnight, in fact it took years. Essentially in so many ways it's almost like I am starting over completely. And more than anything... I just want to keep my business karma clean.
I hope that this doesn't offend anyone. Perhaps you yourself are involved in a MLM and have had amazing experiences and feel your karma is clean. That is fine. I will support you with nothing but peace and love. I just know what I can and cannot do to myself or my friends and family.
Always remember that in our lives their is always room for growth. The energy you give off and your vibrancy are the most influential factors in determining your level of success. That is something you never have to fake. Just find your authentic voice, become vulnerable, and then put yourself out there.
I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY.
Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. )