Sundays I am involved with two peer-to-peer grief therapy sessions via video chat. It's interesting to be able to learn the views of other people who are struggling with their own losses. I get to meet and interact with people from all different walks of life. Not only people in the US, but from around the globe.
Today we touched on something that really hit home for me...
The way friends and family take in our lives and the changes we have made. I thought I was the only one who was told they changed. Or was called a weirdo amongst other things when infact it is something most of us had to endure.
Grief is so complex. It makes it almost impossible for you not to do soul searching. You never get over it. Rather you learn to grow around it.
Some of my friends were calling me weird or talking about my change of attitude before my dad had passed. My father's illness, knowing he would soon die set the stage for me to start learning that not only will I have to have a life without him. But that my life would never be the same.
It hurts to change.
It hurts to grow.
It hurts to let go.
I promise you though, change is good. Let them call you weird. Keep moving forward and doing what you need to for yourself.
Humans are able to adapt to anything life throws at us. Things in our daily lives, culture, and society grow and evolve. It would only would make sense for you as an individual to change as well.
"She changed, she's weird"
Never stop growing. Never stop learning. Remove those toxic people from your life who just can't fit into your world amymore. Those who don't support you or dwell too much on the past.
I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY.
Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. )