Sometimes when I am talking to my best friend / soul twin, or with my daughter, I feel like the Mormon at the door wanting to talk about my Lord and Savior - but in my case I am not talking about Jesus Christ, I am talking about Ram Dass.
It isn't about religion though - it's about hearing someone speak who in a time of darkness had words that resonated with me and changed my world view. So I love to talk about him. A LOT.
So This post is going to be about my experiences during Ram Dass's summer solstice mindfulness and meditation renewal that I took part in this past June/July. (It was free btw)
Ram Dass offered a lot of ways to meditate. My depression and ADD cause conflict with my concentration. He offered great advice beyond the typical 'concentrate on your breathing'.
He used the example of watching a river... we see leaves floating down stream but we can't hold on to them. You have to let them float by. Our thoughts during meditation are those leaves.
It was a very cool way to think about it. And unlike a lot of other teachers of meditation, he doesn't make you feel bad for not getting it right.
Honestly he doesn't make you feel bad for anything. He just makes you feel... loved and like you want to pass along that vibe to the entire world.
I appear to be transitioning to a buddhist lifestyle and this is causing conflict in other areas of life because I can't be bothered to fight with people about "stuff" ...
I love it and it is a strange feeling at the same time ... as if I am watching things unfold from above myself, and also within myself aware of the feelings...
I keep having the same thought...
"why can't you put this down? That seems painful, why do you want to choose that?"
And then I have to remember that they are not on my journey (and resist the urge to drag them along).
When I first started reading his words and listening to his podcasts, I felt a bit guilty for my thoughts. My anger, my pain... my potty mouth. I felt guilty for being who I was as a person.
Through this journey of self love and just love for life... dare I say it 'BE HERE NOW'. Living now. Not in the past, or the future. Right now.
People don't seem to grasp that six months ago I was dying. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to talk to Tavo or the kids. I didn't want to see my friends. I wanted nothing and no one.
Taking power and control of my own life and actions. I decided to turn my father's passing into a time of deepening compassion and love for all beings that are grieving and suffering. And I knew I could not do it surround by people and things who brought me so much pain.
I packed up what we could fit in 9 boxes and left 12 years of my life behind in Pennsylvania. I refuse to fall into the dark tunnel of morbid reflection again.
Meditation is truly my medication.
I do...I fall off track.... I get stuck in my old thought process. I don't want to do anything when I get lost in my deep depression.
I text and cry to my soul twin. I go on long walks with my family.
And if I am going to be really honest - I had a deep fall recently, and I think this moon is messing a bit with my head. As such I hadn't really practiced this week and felt very off center and falling into old habits.
But as Ram Dass says:
“This really isn’t “falling off the path,” it’s just another part of the path. My guidance in regards to practice is to go slow. Try not to get too, ‘gung-ho,’ don’t figure you’re gonna get enlightened today. Relax into it and just start to tune in.”
So I did a little 5 - 10 minute meditation practice today and already feeling a little bit more grounded. I’m going to start from week one tomorrow. This is just a little reminder to anyone in the same position that sometimes life does get in the way, but it’s all part of the path set out for us in this lifetime. Our heart cave is always there, we need just breathe to find it.
Thank you, Ram Dass, for your advice - 'So it turns out there’s no rule book to take with you in life that says, “When I get into this condition, do this.” My rule is actually really simple, I continually work to quiet my mind, to stay mindful'.
I am still in therapy. 🤗 I do not believe that any of this is a magic cure to my depression, or that I don't need therapy. It's an important part of my healing.
I am also still very active in my grief groups and do peer to peer talk therapy.
It's a personal journey. What works for me may not work for you. But if you are dealing with depression... please please please seek help. Talk to someone.
Inbox me. I have some ways to help you find a therapist in the privacy of your own home.
Or if you want more information on meditation or Ram Dass, I'd love to talk about it.
"All that you seek is already in you" - Ram Dass #beherenow
I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY.
Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. )