 Here’s your weekend reminder that no matter what the negative voices would have you believe, you are loved, wanted and worthy of being on this planet. Being flawed doesn’t make you any less of a human, it makes you who you are.
I saw this quote scroll across my stream; "Consider for a moment that what you call your “personality” is actually just a composite of habits and behavioral patterns you developed to cope with trauma. Now ask yourself, who am I outside of my pain? Who would I be if I stopped living life as a product of my story? You have the power to let your past go. Your past does not always need to be a part of your identity. You are more than the situations that have happened to you in the past. It is not who you truly are and you are not just a past negative event. " Something to really think about.  Adjusting to life in Illinois has been interesting to say the least. I am just trying to take it all in at a one day at a time pace. I am realizing that with this new space and place I don't have to constantly walk around on eggshells anymore. I don't have to fear what people think they know of me or how they define me. I have changed a lot in the past two years. Losing my father has caused me to change how I looked at the entire world around me. One morning I woke up and I looked in the mirror and saw a person I did not like...a person I did not know. I spent ten years of my life trying to fit into a mold I did not belong. I spent the next year searching and I found myself again. I found my reason and purpose to be in this world. But I still felt incomplete. I was surrounded by people who didn't want growth or change in their lives. Or they wanted it, but were not willing to fight for it. You are a lot of who you put yourself around. Their energy and vibes feed into you. Not only in our friends... but our neighborhood and community too. When I realized this, I knew I had to leave. I could not strive to be the person I was meant to be and have the life I wanted for my family in Carlisle, Pennsylvania. My husband and I spent the next year researching places to live. We looked into about 10 states, but only put in for job transfers in Washington, California, Illinois, and New York. We were approved in both Washington state and Illinois. However, we went with Illinois because they offered more money, was closer to family, and had several gated communities / subdivisions. I wasn't sure what to expect and how my life would fall into place into place here... but so far I am loving the direction things are going. Every afternoon it's been nice weather, Poppy and I have been walking the nature trails in our subdivision. Poppy brings her tablet to take photos and I bring my camera. The beautiful spring birds are out. My favorite are the Redwinged Black birds and the Tree Swallows. I had to look up their names on google and now I am inspired to journal them. I ordered a "birds of Illinois" book and plan on learning as much as I can.      You can probably expect a lot more pictures like this (smile). I really enjoy bird watching and nature photography as a whole. It's relaxing and nice to have something I can share with my toddler.
 This is my 6:30 am vibe on this cold Monday am. Tavo has left for work, the kids are still sleeping and I can be alone with my coffee Today is officially the boys first day back to school. Back to mommy and Poppy days. I am really glad they are all set now. The whole process has been insanely stressful. Public school in the suburbs have tuition fees and waiting lists. It's a whole new world. Surprisingly, Carlisle had their stuff together and the wait was on Illinois. Living in a subdivision isn't what I thought it would be.
If you allow yourself, you can find a moment of peace anywhere you go, be it on a packed train or a busy highstreet. Or peace doesn't have to be found on a beach on an exotic island, although lets face it... it helps massivly. Peace is a place within you, a place you can tap into whenever you need it, you have to start the process of identifying it, and like with most things, the more you visit that place, the easier it becomes to find no matter where you are. Today I found my peace on a platform waiting to get onto a packed train. Instead of getting bothered, when I stood there with the sun beaming onto me, I imagined my body being fuelled like you would a car with gas and I smiled. And in that moment; I felt peace. Recreate it wherever, whenever.. It has been a tough week with lots to do and so I just had to get on with it. I was so tired that when I got into bed on Saturday I actually felt emotional and needed to just let my tears roll and have a little cleanse. It wasn't because I couldn't handle it, it wasn't because I was weak, it was because my body needed to release the stress and the exhaustion and so I gave the day that last bit and then had the best 9 hours sleep. I haven't slept like that in years... having 3 boys who love to rise with the sun means that a morning in bed to chill isn't really a reality I know, but on this day- I got to stay in bed and sleep. Have to say that none of that would have been possible without my Mr and oldest daughter and I am so grateful to them for helping me create the space for me to prioritise a little diffrently this week. I am so use to running my whole day, week and months around the needs of my family that those two days felt so different to me. I got in a little yoga and am working hard on my posing. I am not as flexible as I once was, but I am working on it. I set a tiny goal for May, and a big one for the end of the summer. Here's to setting goals and achieving them one tiny step at a time. P.S.   I love the bold posts made by @saggysara on instagram! It really shows you that a great shot and proper posing is the way you get these stunning images. You do not need heavy photoshop or fancy filters. It's about finding what works best for you.
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I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY. Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. ) ➳ [Basics] Married + 5 Children Born in New York Living in Chicago Land Italian + Mexican American household Published Photographer + Artist Birth Doula Lung Cancer Activist + Advocate Hospice Volunteer Social Media Enthusiast Openly in Grief Therapy Politically Active Feminist Body Positive Believes in Freedom Of Religion Gun Owner Studied Animal Science Pro-Marijuana Spiritual Journey Sand Cloud Ambassador ➳ [Hobbies] Backpacking + Hiking Urban Exploring Gardening Crystals + Meditation + Yoga Upcycling Writing + Scrapbooking + Blogging Digital Art Foodie + Cooking + Baking Beach Combing Tropical Fish Keeping Video Gamer ➳ [Loves] Sushi Bubble Tea Coffee + Coffee Shops Good Books Nature The Beach Cats Travel + Road trips Mexican Candy Jellyfish Okkervil River + Good indie bands Tattoos ➳ [Hates] Cigarette Smoke Victim Blaming Misogyny Proselytism Racism Poor Shaming Archives
September 2018
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