It's a rainy Monday here in Illinois and my shoot canceled on me... I am not actually too bummed about it as I am feeling very emotionally exhausted which has lead to physical tiredness.
Dealing with depression is an every day struggle for me. And over the past couple of weeks, my anxiety has definitely made me noticeably irritable, tense, and really unpleasant at times.
Meditation is a blessing, but it isn't a miracle cure by any means. And honestly, this is all first world problems, I know, but they’re my first world problems and I have a right to vent them if I choose to.
I am choosing to speak more openly about my aniexty and depression as an opportunity to change the perception we all have on social media. Perfectly lived lives arranged for people through photos and vague status. People we haven't spoke to in person in months... Perhaps even years. I know I am guilty of this. Even when I share the bad I get emotional and end up deleting the post.
I opened a door when I first started talking about my grief and PTSD after losing my father. Whilst I still am a very private person, and enjoy people not knowing much about my life...I think this particular part should be talked about as it might help others dealing with the same thing. I really want to open up to people who may not understand what depression is. Or perhaps inspire someone going through something similar.
A couple weeks ago I said to my thearpist;
"this morning I woke up and just understood why Anthony Bourdain did what he did."
Of course she was concerned, and I had to dig in deeper for her. I mean, I wasn't going to hurt myself - but I understood.
He had a life he loved and enjoyed. One that a lot of the world, my self included was very envious of. But yet something deep inside was truly digging at him.
There really isn't too much wrong in my personal life, my business, or in my family that would warrant thoughts of suicide and overwhelming depression. But yet, there I was.. or am?
So I understood. I understand.
So friends... if you’re struggling right now, I see you. I was you. I’m still you (clearly). Keep fighting, it’s worth it. More importantly, you’re worth it. We’ll get through this, together.
If you can't get out the house to see a therapist, I recommend www.betterhelp.com
They have a ton of promo codes for free sessions floating around the internet. I am not sponsored by them, so sadly I don't have a promo code... but if you google around, I am sure you can find them. Their website is full of licensed therapists and you can even shop around until you find the one that works best for you.
Struggling a bit financially but still need someone to talk to? https://www.7cups.com also has licensed therapists, but also offers a FREE community with tons of resources and communities + FREE peer to peer chat. So if you're looking to talk to someone dealing with something similar, they are a community of really awesome people.
If you need help right now in this very moment, the national suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255
Or if you are like me, and talking on the phone with strangers gives you a bit of anxiety...
Text 741741 from anywhere in the USA to text with a trained Crisis Counselor.
I also can suggest some spiritual coaches and peer support groups if needed. Just shoot me a message here on fb.
I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY.
Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. )