 This time of year is always very hard for me. My grief is in constant waves. But June will always be the hardest. As memories pop up here on facebook, or people comment old posts (with the purest of intentions)... I have to remind myself that thinking about what I could or could not have done differently.... living in constant regret is only killing my soul slowly. It's not what my father would have wanted for his daughter. It isn't what I want for myself. I am working on redefining what June means to *me*. It will always be sad... but maybe it doesn't have to be so difficult. I sent a love and light package to my dear friend back home in Carlisle. Her and I both lost a loved one on the same day and I wanted to help her get through it even though I couldn't be there in person. Such a terrible thing to have in common with someone, but it created an amazing bond. I talked my best friend into doing my baba Ram Dass's Summer Solstice Meditation Renewal. He has an open mind... but is probably like lol what am I getting myself into! Finding hope.... looking forward to little things. It's what gets me by. 
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 I think everyone has such a mindset that death disconnects us from our loved ones. This isn't true. You can still connect with them. They are always with you. We are energy. The physical body has died but the soul is eternal. In life we interact with souls even though we see bodies. Changing the way we think about life and death is a big step towards changing grief. Yes loved ones are not physically here but energetically will always exist and be with us. We can still speak with them any time we choose. If anything I think there is more accessibility because there is no physical barrier. It's all in how you think about souls and death.
 I put together my first Crystal Grid. I love it so much. I plan on later explaining just what a crystal grid is, what it's used for and why all crystal lovers should add this to their meditation. Also, I pulled these two cards.   Your life is the inspiration. Your soul is the artist. Your external world is the canvas. Better get to creating.
 Remember Siddhartha, his journey, and the amount of time he spent in the garden of pleasure with a woman who had much to teach? She always had a new thing to teach--she will always have a new thing to teach--always.
Can anyone imagine that a woman as full and seductive as that is not going to teach something? Is not going to continue to teach something? -Ram Dass  "Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough." - Ram Dass
Self-care is so much deeper than bubble baths and manicures. It's spiritual, it's mental. Sure those things help, but getting deep into your core... deep inside your soul is where your care needs to begin. As hinted in my other post, I have started the book "Be Here Now" by the amazing man of love and light himself Baba Ram Dass As I learn more about myself and my longing for a deeper connection into my soul and spirit, the teachings of Ram Dass just called to me. Taking care of my heart, mind, and soul are top priority in my self-care routine. This week I picked up some lavender essential oil to help with sleep. I also got some raw amethyst crystals for anxiety.  We have lost part of ourselves previously and we will again someday. Ultimately, we are spiritual beings in physical bodies on Earth. We are here to learn. It’s okay to lose ourselves more than once. Because when we find ourselves again, life is going to be so amazing. It’s going to be worth it living through it as you have known what it’s like to be lost. They always say, “It’s better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all.” I hope that this message reminds you of why you’re still living and contributing to the positivity of humanity today.
 Let's start off with.. what IS a vision board? Make-a-vision-board's website says; A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. A lot of times we see these for long term goals that to take place over the course of years, maybe even a lifetime. For example, your board might be that you would like to become a millionaire. So you would find imagery online or in magazines related to that goal. Whatever is important to you. For my long term vision board, I am still working the kinks out. I want something a bit more solid once I am sure about my direction. But I still wanted a fun way to pull together some goals and ideas. So I decided to give a digital board a shot. It's really easy and you can do it too. So for my short term goals, and going digital I used pintrest.com to find pictures of the things I wanted to set for my goals. I had to decide on a really good time frame. For me, my goals are for six months. This means these are the things I want to make happen over the next six months. You really have to envision yourself not only working on, but living your best life. I say that phrase a lot. Living YOUR best life. This should be based on your own goals. Your own hopes and dreams. YOUR standards. So when making your board, keep that in mind. This is for you, not other people. You don't even have to post your board if you do not want to. Just work on your goals, the things in life that make you happy. You may not be sure what you would even want to put on yours, so let me dig a little deeper into for you; -You can share things you want to do! Get a new job, climb a mountain! Whatever pops in your head. -Places you want to go. You want to travel to Italy? Put it on your board. -Who you want to be. Maybe your goal is to be a kinder person, or be a better mom. -Things you want to learn. Maybe a new language. Or how to places you would like to go.  Let's talk about my board's goals. Again, for me, it's 6 month shorter term goals. And they are pretty personal. Yours maybe be nothing like this. But here are mine;
- Continue to declutter and practice minimalism. - Learn more about different species of houseplants and find the most sustainable for my family's lifestyle. -Submit some of my work to an art show event. -Give myself some more self care. -Read actual books I can hold and turn the pages. -Plan a beach vacation to a beach I have never been to and GO! -Work on my yoga posing goals. -Polish my raw crystals, give them life. -Meditate more when feeling stressed or overwhelmed. -Study the teachings of Ram Dass, my guru. I really hope these ideas will be helpful to anyone looking for fun and interesting ways of goal keeping. Keep your board someplace you will see it every day. Make it your facebook profile cover, set it as your phone's background. Let it help you stay on task. What's going on your board?  This is me without makeup and filters. I am human. I have my flaws. I struggle sometimes to see that in myself. I am so self conscious about myself sometimes... because I have red cheeks and I have adult acne and eye bags and somewhat wrinkles... grey hair... I am very overweight and I have many more flaws. And I may not be as pretty as other girls but I want to let you girls know that are in the same boat as me that sometimes think the same ways as I do; you might think you are not pretty as the girl in front of you or next to you or that you don’t look good in that outfit or in that makeup or without makeup but guess what fuck it. Embrace it. You are beautiful. Everyone’s beautiful in there own way. Learn to compliment and love yourself because no one is perfect. And who ever likes you or loves you will accept your flaws and they learn to love them, that’s what makes you different from everyone. And beauty is not everything, personality counts a lot too. Just remember to give yourself a compliment,it will boost your confidence up and you will learn to be comfortable in your own skin.
I am obsessed with becoming a woman comfortable in her own skin. In the end of the day beauty is having confidence and accepting who you are - when you make this transition not everyone will like you... But you won't care about it one bit!  So this is not my prettiest angle, but I am sharing it with you guys today (rolls and all) because I am 25lbs down and on my 5th yoga class! As I said in a previous post, sometimes being open and vulnerable is a good thing. It teaches us we don't have to pretend to be something else. In light of this new thinking, I have been sharing more and more full body images of myself. I can love myself even at the start of this weight loss and soul searching journey.
Early before going into my Tuesday evening Mindful Mini class, threw on some meditation music and just let go! This space felt like Zen, the vibes were so beautiful. The blessing of just letting it go flowed so beautifully for me in this space. The first step in Spiritual Surrender is- Prayer, and asking for the highest good for all! So I sat in meditation. Truly doing just that, praying for this feeling of acceptance. It is a powerful thing to become humble and courageous enough to dig deeper, to let go that little bit more. However, I am so ready for this work! This deep pull that has come over me to finally show up for what I have been so deeply ignoring.  Far too often I find myself judging .... ME!
Judging how I’m not getting enough done. How I’m not spending enough quality time with my children or my husband. How, shoot for just a moment I want a minute to drink a coffee and sit in silence. Judging and picking apart every moment I feel inadequate or less than.... Ugghhh can you relate? Something that I am learning on my matt and truly bringing the essence off my mat is the idea of no of myself. That each day I am where I am meant to be, doing the best I can in every present moment. When I let go of this idea of how I am supposed to be “Momming”, “Living”, “Being”, “Working”, etc. I have truly began to breathe in this beautiful presence that is the real authenticity that is myself. Truly my authentic whole self is the best version of me. Something I continue to strive to always embrace. My judgement of myself is no one else’s perception of me than me. Allowing myself the ability to release this perception only allows for a loving mindset to take form.  I have SO much to update about, but first I wanted to talk aboit some things weighing heavy on my mind. Karma. When you spread positive energy positivity it will come back to you. Nothing that goes against you or wants to cause you harm will ever prosper.
I recently had a discussion about business practices and Karma at Yoga with a friend of mine, Addison. She is not only this queen of zen and has yoga skills that blow my mind, she is a business and life coach. We got into a discussion about the old phrase and mentality of "fake it to you make it". When does it hurt your karma? How to go about it in a positive way. If you're lying to your clients about your lifestyle, how much money you're making, or your team - it's not faking it till you make it. It's simply bad karma. What should you being doing? Exude confidence when you're scared. Work through your fears. Share your goals. Talk about the ones you have already met and plan to meet. I almost got into a MLM with a girlfriend of mine. You may of selling essentials oils. She made it sound like such an amazing oppurtinty. The company was called Doterra, and in fairness, I do believe in their products. Their oils are high quality and I actually use them everyday. So I could in confidence speak very highly on Doterra oils. However, where my karma comes into question is the MLM business plan itself. For one the company sells people the dream of their own business. You will often hear, let it be Doterra, ItWorks, Beachbody, Plexus, or Younique. You are sold and are selling the idea to people that you are going to be a business owner. And that just isn't true. The company is using you to push their products essentially for free. These presenters disguised as business owners are trained to lie to people. They all make similar posts which a lot of time are copy n pasted sent around over and over. They make videos about their lives changing and what an amazing opportunity they have invested in. All while their life circumstances have not really changed. They may have an extra few hundred dollars that month, but you have to ask yourself how much of your karma did you sacrifice to do so? This business model also encourages you to push these products on your friends and family in order to make a decent profit. They have you create facebook groups, host online parties and overall just be an annoying pest. Where I am living now, mostly everyone is in an upper to middleclass financial situation. I know a lot of the Chicago land suburb mommies can easily afford Doterra so I could in better conscious speak to them than my "friends". If we are talking my close friends from back in Carlisle, or some of the people I grew up with... well a lot of them are living in housing. They are living pay check to pay check. How could I tell them how awesome this MLM life is when I know that $20, $40, $100 oils order could have went to their rent or their children. Instead it went to a company who won't even pay their employees a living wage. Because that is what you are. An employee, not a business owner. Oh and the fighting - let it be in these groups or on the side line. Never let a situation take you out of your character or do something vengeful... people have to remember these situations are temporary while actions have permanent consequences. These companies are supposed to be a sisterhood, but they are nothing like that. So the way the conversation ultimately sparked was me talking about my business and how I, although I never pushed the idea of a better life on people or pushed MLM product purchashing, I am guilty of adapting to the "fake it till you make idea". I told Addison that not working is becoming tiresome. I really need some new strategies, but I wanted to steer clear of 'fake it till you make it' because it honestly got me no where in the past and just left me feeling empty. I no longer understand the point of pretending my workload is more than it is, or that I am making more money than I actually am. Addison said a lot of things that just made sense to me. And opened my eyes. For one, getting back to the core roots of why I started my own business in the first place. How far I came when I segregated myself from unhealthy relationships, bonds, and friendships. Not just in business, but in life too. It's ok not to be near your goals, but standing still is not a possibility. I really don't need to pretend things are amazing for me business wise right now as I have only just started to dig into my Chicago potential. Looking at it that way, I have really relieved a lot pressure I had put on myself. I really busted my ass to get out of Carlisle. And whilst I do not want to get to a stand still, it's ok that things are starting slow here. I mean, in Pennsylvania I built a name and a brand. It did not happen overnight, in fact it took years. Essentially in so many ways it's almost like I am starting over completely. And more than anything... I just want to keep my business karma clean. I hope that this doesn't offend anyone. Perhaps you yourself are involved in a MLM and have had amazing experiences and feel your karma is clean. That is fine. I will support you with nothing but peace and love. I just know what I can and cannot do to myself or my friends and family. Always remember that in our lives their is always room for growth. The energy you give off and your vibrancy are the most influential factors in determining your level of success. That is something you never have to fake. Just find your authentic voice, become vulnerable, and then put yourself out there. It has been a tough week with lots to do and so I just had to get on with it. I was so tired that when I got into bed on Saturday I actually felt emotional and needed to just let my tears roll and have a little cleanse. It wasn't because I couldn't handle it, it wasn't because I was weak, it was because my body needed to release the stress and the exhaustion and so I gave the day that last bit and then had the best 9 hours sleep. I haven't slept like that in years... having 3 boys who love to rise with the sun means that a morning in bed to chill isn't really a reality I know, but on this day- I got to stay in bed and sleep. Have to say that none of that would have been possible without my Mr and oldest daughter and I am so grateful to them for helping me create the space for me to prioritise a little diffrently this week. I am so use to running my whole day, week and months around the needs of my family that those two days felt so different to me. I got in a little yoga and am working hard on my posing. I am not as flexible as I once was, but I am working on it. I set a tiny goal for May, and a big one for the end of the summer. Here's to setting goals and achieving them one tiny step at a time. P.S.   |
About Me:
I get a little tired of people who assume that just because you have kids, you are automatically completely uncool, and that all your time is spent wiping babies from head to toe, giving spit baths, criticizing their every move, volunteering for PTA, blogging in your spare time, clipping coupons before crock potting a pot roast, ironing the clothes, bleaching the whites, mopping the floors, harvesting your eggs, sewing for your etsy shop, scrapbooking the little things, taking pictures of everything they do, saving for college, reading Dr. Suess, socializing at the bus stop, sweeping the floor, laughing over coffee with your jogging stroller, wearing your birkenstocks and listening to Baby Einstein.
Just because I DO THESE THINGS OCCASIONALLY. Does not mean for one second that sometimes I don’t just want to be a kick ass girl with streaks in her hair, a ring in her nose, a tattoo on her arm, concert tickets in her purse, vodka in her fridge, a leather mini-skirt in her closet, her best single friends and a standing reservation for Las Vegas once a year with a don’t ask don’t tell policy, and the desire to just once be seen as more than the mother of 5 kids. Sometimes I just want to be seen as a “Maggie”. A “Maggie” with an extremely adorable set of children… (I joke, but sometimes it's hard to over come labels. ) ➳ [Basics] Married + 5 Children Born in New York Living in Chicago Land Italian + Mexican American household Published Photographer + Artist Birth Doula Lung Cancer Activist + Advocate Hospice Volunteer Social Media Enthusiast Openly in Grief Therapy Politically Active Feminist Body Positive Believes in Freedom Of Religion Gun Owner Studied Animal Science Pro-Marijuana Spiritual Journey Witchy ➳ [Hobbies] Backpacking + Hiking Urban Exploring Gardening Crystals + Meditation + Yoga Upcycling Writing + Scrapbooking + Blogging Digital Art Foodie + Cooking + Baking Beach Combing Tropical Fish Keeping Video Gamer ➳ [Loves] Sushi Bubble Tea Coffee + Coffee Shops Good Books Nature The Beach Cats Travel + Road trips Mexican Candy Jellyfish Okkervil River + Good indie bands Tattoos ➳ [Hates] Cigarette Smoke Victim Blaming Misogyny Proselytism Racism Poor Shaming Archives
December 2018
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